I am Pro-Uwe Boll (And So Can You)
April 14th, 2008Last week Uwe Boll foolishly agreed to stop making movies if this petition would manage to get one million signatures. Unfortunately for Boll, the movie websites picked up the challenge and by now the petition already has close to 200 000 signatures. Getting one million people together in the internet age might not be as hard as Boll probably first thought.
Around here I am not prepared to face life without Boll. Therefore, here’s a letter to those who would sign the anti-Boll petition (with apologies to Aaron Sorkin and A Few Good Men):
Son, we live in a world that has bad movies. And those movies have to be made by men with guns unbridled self-confidence. Who’s gonna do it? You? Uwe Boll has a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for video game movies and you curse BloodRayne. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what Uwe Boll knows: that In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, while tragic, probably saved the German investors millions of euros in tax write-offs . And Uwe Boll’s existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to The Undersigned of the anti-Boll petition, makes the world more fun.
You don’t want Uwe Boll to stop. Because deep down, in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want him making movies. You want him there. He is the “the only genius in the whole fucking business.”
With that in mind go sign a pro-Boll petition (there are several). Right now this one has only 20 signatures. Go sign it. We need Uwe Boll - if only as a character.
